Leading Through Life: Navigating Disappointment, Balance, and Growth

00:43
Hello everybody, thank you for joining me for another episode of Coffee Can't Fix Everything, where I sit down with the guests, we talk about mental health over a cup of coffee or tea. You know, if you bought that tea life. Today I got somebody, I think we've been connected for a minute, it's just been cool to see what you've been doing from afar. And thank you so much for being here, I really appreciate it. So today.

01:12
You know, this is a, so this won't come out for a while, but we're recording this November 12th. So there are a lot of emotions, but I don't want to necessarily focus on the elephant in the room too much, but also I know you have a leadership background. Or you're leading right now. And you're trying to lead, I don't know how big your team is, but people are looking at you.

01:41
Right? It's interesting, because I think that oftentimes when you walk into leadership, especially when you're doing it just because you want to serve, you don't really think about the things that come along with leadership.

02:04
That's so real. Yeah. I'd be so excited to be like, yes, let's do it. Yeah. And then everything that comes to that, you're blinded by the passion a little bit. Yeah. How do you deal with that?

02:20
Are you going to things knowing that or like you're just like I'll do it with it later? No, I think it's been a fine-tuned process for me. So when I stepped into the role of executive director at 6th avenue corridor, it wasn't because I needed the money it wasn't because I knew so much about this organization. It wasn't because I had just a gushing heart for non-profit. None of that was the case it was simply that The work needed to be done and it was in a place where I knew that I could be used effectively

02:50
to do something different and it feels like part of a responsibility and a life calling to do so. Like I don't feel like I would truly be living my life to its fullest potential and possibility if I didn't help others. And so that's part of kind of what I teach my kids and so when I was like thinking about stepping into this position I'm like not really thinking about it from a leadership perspective but more so like a giving back and kind of volunteering type of thing.

03:20
is where my mind like organically was at. Okay. And I'm a really like do the work person. So I work well on teams. I just kind of lean into like what needs to be done. Tell me what needs to be done. Let me do it. I'll find someone who can do it. Just really putting things together. And so I never really thought about the element of like leadership or what other people would think or a platform. Like I never thought about any of that. And it wasn't until, you know, kind of stepping into the role that you

03:50
have places like Des Moines Business Record reaching out and in my mind I was honestly thinking like well what record am I setting here? What y'all want? Like if I'm just being honest like what record did I break? What am I doing? You know so I just wasn't really thinking of it in that perspective and then I'm now five months into the role and I've had so many occasions where it's like welcome to leadership you're now in leadership. Thank you for leadership.

04:20
I recently sent a family friend of ours a text message. He's my dad's friend and has been in business with him a very long time. They went to high school together. His wife and I worked together at Keller Williams. And so I recently sent him a text message and I just said happy birthday. And he says, man, your ears must have been itching because I just had a conversation at lunch and you came up and I was like, what?

04:44
So it's those moments that like remind me like hey girl you're in leadership yo it's not like this everyday active realization of I'm in leadership I need to be a certain way I need to act a certain way and there's part of that that like I really appreciate about myself because I feel like that's what keeps you grounded is like not thinking higher of yourself than you ought and really like remaining grounded to the purpose and the mission of the work right no that's real how do you keep from taking that home with you are there

05:14
Are there moments where you have to...

05:17
There are a lot of times, and this is a practice that I've had all the time, where as soon as I get home, I say to my family, I love you, I'm putting all my, I ain't going nowhere close. Yes. Because I got to get out of that mindset of like, I was at work, I need to transition. Because sometimes you could take that home. How do you manage the pressures of leading and maybe some of the pressures that come with your position? And not bringing that into.

05:47
your family environment. Yeah, that was a very much learned behavior. Okay, so the first up until probably a month ago, I was everything work all the time. And it was actually my husband that was like

06:03
you know what, you probably need to do this or maybe you should try that. But I'm hard headed. And again, I am very hands to the plow kind of girl. Like, no, this has to be done. We have to do it. There's no one else to do it. I have to do it. And so that mentality kind of backfires on you sometimes. And I've never had an experience of 100 percent working for someone else or working for a board. So that's an experience that I really have that corporate experience to bring into this. I've always been

06:33
entrepreneur, I've always worked for myself, both of my parents are entrepreneurs. I just didn't grow up in an atmosphere where it was you're going to work for someone else, report to someone else, you have to do this hour to this hour and then shut down at this hour. Like I had no experience so I was doing it as if I were an entrepreneur and that was a completely wrong like mindset and strategy to take into it. The new mindset that I have now is like do the work, set the time and then turn it off because it can consume you, it can

07:03
you hear about people like burning out especially in leadership like you see this burnout and it doesn't take long for it to happen and I was like you know what that's not something that I want to do the time and then turn it off yeah and that that is what

07:21
Being who I am, understanding how hard that is when you're driven one way for so long and you're conditioned to that type of mentality, do you feel like, was it mentally draining to try to do that? Like, what was that, walk me through that progress because I'm sure it didn't happen overnight. Or maybe it did, maybe you're just like, hey, I'm clocking out tomorrow. I will say it did and it didn't. So for the first four months, there was so much organizationally

07:51
to happen and I was like, okay, it's all on me. So a little bit of background is I'm the only staff person at the organization, the whole rest of the organization relies on volunteers. I have never done that before. When you talk about grassroots, like that is grassroots. So everything is 100% donation, everything is 100% volunteer. And so I think it was the stress of that and being in that for the first time that made me go, go, go.

08:21
go go go go and when I honestly I really had to take it back to like my core beliefs and core values like do I trust that at the end of the day God is going to provide do I trust that at the end of the day things will get done the way they need to get done do I trust that God will align me to meet the people that I need to meet when I need to meet them and it really took me back to a question of my faith and sometimes when you get into these like leadership roles

08:51
to compartmentalize who you are, what you believe, and those type of things to do a job. And I was like, you know what, I'm not going to make it through this job without God. So in order to be effective, like I have to, I have to allow the two to be one. And once I really like was like, you know what, God, if you are who you say you are, then I will meet exactly who I need to meet when I need to meet them. And I tell you from that moment on, I've not experienced stress in this role.

09:21
worried about where the dollar was coming from. People are emailing me, the money is coming in. Like I just don't have to worry and I was like you know what I am so grateful that I had that revelation early in the role and not later in the role. You know what I was just talking to my uncle about this today. My uncle is like he's like my father figure, he's the one I go to for advice and he told me something very simple.

09:51
Sometimes we just get in our own way. Yeah. And we don't allow our faith to just guide us sometimes. Sometimes we can make, we is me, that's me. I be making stuff so difficult. And it's good to have somebody say, get out your own way. And just, if you have that faith, just let it happen. Just let it happen.

10:13
But that's hard. Like I told my uncle, uncle said, that's hard to do sometimes. That's hard to get out your, but sometimes this can be so simple. No, that's good. Talk me through, you know, one of the things I wanted to talk to you about, you know, I want to continue the conversation about, you know, the leadership and the stresses that, that comes with, but also,

10:37
the disappointment within that as well. Oh, goodness gracious. Walk me through that. What does that look like for you? How do you deal with that? Yeah. So I've been in a lot of executive level roles as an entrepreneur and even leadership roles pretty much my entire life because of the passion that I have for things and because I'm not afraid to like get my hands dirty and do things. And so for me being a very driven person,

11:07
Disappointment is hard. Man. When you are a type A go-getter and you hear the word no, that is like the worst thing. You say no to me?

11:19
I can't, I literally can't, like it's like I'm not thinking, I just can't comprehend the no. Right. To me in my mind what I hear is no not this way and then I start to try and find another way or I hear no not this time and then I'm waiting for another time. I don't hear no period. Right. Like that's not really in my vocabulary, that's not really how I operate. I am that driven and so

11:49
has been really, really hard because I oftentimes also have this idea that...

11:57
Success is kind of linear like it's a straight path and I should be able to do steps one two and three and then bam success and I've had to learn Success is not linear. Right. That's is not steps one two three It looks very different very different carry something different like your path is going to look different than the next person's and you can plan As much as you want but at the end of the day that's when I still keep going back to that reliance and crisis like I Can't do some things I can do an extent of things

12:27
there's other things that like I really have to rely on God to help me to do. Right. And so I think again really being able to take off the hat of I'm in control, I have to do this, it's all on me and give that to God like has really kind of helped me deal with disappointment and it's so hilarious to me because my two kids are also kind of dealing with that right now. Oh. So my

12:57
She is very type a she's very driven. She's all about school. She's all about like at 12 years old She knows the top two colleges that are for volleyball for veterinary science. She knows where she wants to go She YouTube's how to get scholarships from them. She's type a that's my child, right? My son. Copy paste. Yeah. Yeah, my son is nine and He is good at Any sport he tries I mean absolutely anyone bowling soccer volleyball, whatever he tries

13:27
he's good at he gets up from his dad and this kid is so driven he wakes up at six o'clock in the morning he sets up cones obstacles everything and he's out there in the backyard hopping over them jumping over them crawling doing and I walk outside I'm like what are you doing he's like I'm training I said where did you learn to train he says YouTube I'm like oh my god it's his first year playing basketball and we weren't sure how it was gonna go

13:57
He is learning how to be disappointed. And he's learning that it's not all on him. Basketball is a team sport. Volleyball is a team sport. And they are learning what disappointment feels like. And it's so tough. And it's tough, but it's funny at the same time because it's like me looking at me. Yeah. Ain't that crazy? It is. Because there are times my kids, my kids similar in the situation

14:27
part of a team, both my kids play basketball, right? And how they both, my daughter, she'll take a loss so hard. Oh yeah. And there are times where I just wanna, that's my baby girl, so I wanna hold her, it's okay, y'all gonna win next time.

14:43
But having to sit back and be like, you gotta feel this. Yes. You gotta feel this. That's the tough part I'm talking about is like, you can't always rescue them. You can't always coddle them. You can't always protect them. I'm at this stage in parenting where it's like, they have to learn from their experience. And you as a parent have to sit back and watch it. And it sucks. It sucks. But I just watched this lady on YouTube who's a clinical psychologist. And her son is maybe six or seven. And she says,

15:13
sent my son to school hungry and so I'm like well let me see what this mom is talking about because what? And she says yeah you know he felt like he knew better than me he knew how to manage time better than me he could do this he could do that and he did not want to eat and then what happens it's time to go to school I have to let them learn from their choices and face life consequences and that's the part in parenting like that's where I'm at right now and specifically with disappointment

15:43
Tough because like my kids are realizing things like oh, hey I'm black and brown and I go to a predominantly white school, right? And now my feelings are disappointed because maybe I'm not always included right? Little different for you right now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah and Wow, that is so good. I mean not good, right? But in its when I when I think about

16:13
kids and some of this can I think can kind of relate to myself or adults as well is especially when in your heart you feel like you're doing the right thing and you're doing all the right stuff you're training hard you're practicing hard and then you'll get a no you're like okay you try to shake it off you do the same thing then you get another no and then

16:39
It's hard enough for that to chip away from your self-confidence. And then you start getting kind of insecure. And that's one of the things that I'm dealing with with my kids as well is like loss after loss or you're not playing as well. My daughter's playing high school ball. She played in the fall league. And these girls, she didn't know what to do. It was just going so fast. And now she's like, am I even good at this? It's like, yo, like having her go through that emotion and even myself feeling like

17:09
working, should I be doing, should I just not be doing, I'm just gonna go apply at Walmart and I'm just gonna be cool welcoming people. You know what I mean, like doing that. And having to get yourself out of that funk and then knowing, so now having that same experience, knowing my daughter's going through that or my son and just having to just sit there and guide them through it but not.

17:35
be their savior either is, oh. Yeah, it is extremely tough and the one.

17:44
I don't know if it's an actual Bible verse or just a colloquialism, but it's deferred hope makes the heart grow weary. That's the adult version. The longer that your hope is deferred, that's the equivalent of disappointment. We have such this high hope and we're continuously disappointed over and over and over and it makes our heart sick. Our heart being sick is what that, okay, I'm not good enough anymore.

18:14
your confidence. It starts to affect all these different things and like that's one of the things that I'm talking with my daughter about. Like right it was one game okay now it was two games now there's only so much that you can do as a parent right? And it was like okay sometimes we do just have to sit back and feel that. Yep. And I told her I said at the end of the day you have two choices. You can quit and give up on your dreams, give up on your passions, give up on everything that you've been working this long for or you can just keep going.

18:44
Sometimes it literally comes down to that and I think that even as adults, sometimes it comes down to that. That's it. When you cut it and you slice it and you look at it in simply black and white, it's like, are you going to sink or are you going to swim? Yeah. And one of the things that I'm learning right now, I got this idea from a good friend of mine, Kayla Belcon-Salver, and she was talking about some of her frustrations and how she was currently feeling.

19:14
and just allowing herself to sit in it because she didn't want to hide the emotions and they come out later. Yeah.

19:25
One, I want to get your thoughts on that and how can you, to anybody listening, what does that look like for you to just to sit in your disappointment and let yourself feel it, to be able to get out and then like, okay, I've had that moment, now I know I gotta get out here and put in this work because people need me. Yeah, yep. So I've had a lot of disappointment, you know, in all areas of life. Just marinating in disappointment. Yeah, just marinating, right?

19:55
I think that over time...

19:59
I've kind of developed like just a pace that I allow myself to go through that. So I know that if it's a big disappointment, I'm going to take the day, maybe the next day and just, just sit, just sit, just relax. Don't make appointments. Don't go anywhere. Don't do anything. Don't push yourself. Just sit in that for a second and just try to just relax and let whatever emotion come, come, but after that, that's when it's at that fork in the road. What are you?

20:28
going to do? Right. What are you going to do? And from that point, I think for me, it comes back to like being able to pull yourself out by renewing your mind because through the disappointment you allow negative thoughts to really kind of begin to seep in like I'm not good enough. I maybe they wanted someone else. Maybe there was someone better and it's this constant comparison game because often time it's competitive. Right. What you want is competitive. And so I

20:58
that not every path is the path. Not every path is my path. So not everything I want is what God wants for me. Not everything is in the right timing. Like there have been so many things that I've gone after very early and I've always kind of been early like in my life or doing things first in my life. My mom jokingly says like, oh yeah, you came January 1st. You were born January 1st because you are the first. Like you love to do things just at a certain

21:28
time and early. I graduated high school in three years. I went to college early. I got married early. Everything I did was done early and part of it was being very driven that accelerated that. But some of it was just like life happened and knowing your path. And I could not have said, oh, this would be my path at 30 something years old. But

21:58
accept disappointment and learning how to pivot, learning how to interpret the situation as maybe this is just what God wants for my life right now. Maybe this is just what I'm supposed to be doing in this season because there was a time probably between having kids starting my business where it was like okay I'm very driven, very ambitious, I have connections like what am I supposed to be doing with my career because mom being a mom is great, being a wife is great but

22:28
like there was more and it was like everything I went after I'd be more than qualified and I wouldn't even get an interview I wouldn't even get a call back and like five six seven eight ten times through and I was like I am so disappointed like I am clearly not meant to work like what is happening in my life. Why did I go to school? Why did I like why like what was the point and I'm looking back on it now with a lens of like

22:58
maturity and understanding, it was like, it was a timing thing. It was not a you're not good enough thing. It's a timing thing. And you have to be able to go back after disappointment happens and kind of analyze the disappointment so that you can grow from it. Because if you don't, every time you're disappointed, you'll keep interpreting it the same way and not growing from it. Yeah, I think the reflection is so real. Because there are times where, again, you're disappointed about whatever the case may be

23:28
happens and I think it's always good to be like, okay, I'm in a good place right now, but what got me here? Yeah. Oh, if I would have taken that job, I wouldn't have been able to do this. If I would have said no to that, then I wouldn't have been able to do this here. And I think that's so good.

23:47
mentally, but okay, everything happened the way it was supposed to happen. I feel like it just re-centers you to reframe something that could have been a negative traumatic event of extreme disappointment to reframing it into like a place of gratitude because now every single note I am like so grateful for. Yeah. Like I would not be where I am. That is a good point. I mean, if you can switch the experience from disappointment to like, you know, like, you

24:17
It's a gratitude, like that's the growth and that's the maturity piece of it. Yeah. That like really helps when disappointment comes again because now when disappointment happens to me, my immediate response is, it's probably not the time. It's probably not the right time. Probably not the time.

24:33
That's good. And that I think that will help with the other point that I want to I want to talk about That you mentioned briefly is the pivot. Yeah, it being able to pivot that's something any every entrepreneur knows You don't have the pivot the pivot foot is there What's real strong, but I um having that mentality of understanding

24:59
okay this opportunity is not grateful that opportunity didn't happen and then being able to pivot. Can you talk to me more about what how important is being able to pivot in the moment for somebody? Oh yeah the thing is I feel like I've learned that a lot as a business owner because

25:19
Owning a business is not a straight forward thing. You think that you have an idea, you start off with a plan, and then the moment you hear no, if you can't pivot, your business is shut down. It's done. It's over. When my husband and I back in, I think 2015 or 16.

25:36
We did not envision starting Brooks Homes as a new construction home building company. It was focused on rebuilding in the urban core and revitalizing districts. So now you can see that that moment's come full swing, but at the time I had no idea and I was just extremely disappointed and frustrated that we could not seem to get enough funding to buy a dilapidated house here and renovate. And I just couldn't understand, I'm like, we have decent income for it.

26:06
We don't have a lot of debt. We have great credit scores. Like I'm just not understanding and I was just so frustrated but right very quickly Between prayer and my husband We went on a walk and I was just like venting to my husband and he's like Well, why don't we just try new construction and I'm like we know nothing about it. That's why like He's like yeah, but you know, maybe we can figure it out we're both smart we're both

26:36
we have resources, like let's just try. And I'm like, I don't know, what the heck, whatever. If anything, the bank will tell us no, and then it's not like we've wasted our time. We go in there and the bank approves us for a great amount. And now we're like, okay, time to figure out how to build a house. But like if we weren't able to be calm, strategic, think through things.

27:02
And pivot, we wouldn't be where we are today without that. And it was such a blessing because starting Brooks Homes is really kind of the thing that gave us our experience, not only in terms of like building, but learning how to work with each other as spouses in business, cause that's a real thing. I mean, you see people all of the time who are married and they start businesses and then they're divorced and there is no business. So it's like, you have to go through that proving ground of it first.

27:32
and then kind of go from there. Yeah, I think the ability to pivot is definitely a learned skill, but it's also, I'm thinking this thing from like a mental health perspective, you just said it. Being able to not, to be able to pivot with no emotion. And what I mean by that is,

28:02
understanding that.

28:05
Okay, things happen for a reason. What, what, can I, can I think logically through something and talk yourself through it? Yeah. I think it's a great skill, not only for an entrepreneur or a leader, but just in life in general. Like there are gonna be times where you're gonna have to pivot on something in your life. And are you gonna let the emotion of the situation take over and you do something that you'll later regret? Or can you walk yourself through that and come up with something,

28:35
and understand that it's just gonna get better and you just gotta do something else a different way. Yeah, that's one thing that again, like I'm working with my kids on. I'm the type of person, like when I figure something out on an adult level, I like to bring it to the kids level. Ooh, that's a good idea. To teach them so that it's not something that they have to then try and learn at 30. And so one of the things that we're really working on is staying in control of your emotions. And it was funny because I started saying that so much so that like then I noticed that my husband would adopt it

29:05
be acting crazy, he's like, stay in control of your emotions. And it's not saying to belittle your emotions or turn your emotions off. Exactly. It's saying, notice your emotions, but don't let them make you make decisions. Yes. Like, there's nothing wrong with being angry or being upset, but...

29:30
how you react in that moment can dictate it can be good or bad. Yep. Right? There are times where my kids will act in emotion and I will look at them crazy and they know exactly what that look, you know what I'm saying? Like, hey, you're going to make this worse for yourself. But you know what's beautiful about that too, especially when you do it in that way with your kids?

29:50
is I have had times where my kids have called it back to me. Okay? My kids will say things to me like, Mom, you need to be in control of your emotions. And I can't say anything because I taught you that. And I'm like, okay, you're right. I apologize. I think I'm just hungry and frustrated. And I need you to listen more. And so even from that, like we've started to develop like healthy family

30:20
conversations that just as black folks, we don't typically have. Yo, that's so real. I got to tell a story real quick because I got to put some accountability on myself. We're playing throw throw burrito. I don't know if you ever heard of this game. Yep. So whatever, something happens. My son gets mad that he didn't get the burrito. This is early in the game, mind you. Like, we just started this joint.

30:48
Now they're arguing, my son starts crying, they're throwing stuff. Yeah. I go, I start yelling. Yep. Like, y'all suck the fun out of everything. Fun of the first. Yeah. So then, like, my wife is trying not to laugh, because she knows I'm real mad about throw throw burrito. Yeah, yep. Sounds so stupid as I just said. I'm like, I had to go.

31:12
I'm mad over throw throw burrito. Okay. I had to go apologize to my kids, which I think is important. Oh yeah. And say, hey, y'all aren't fun suckers. Damn. Oh my God. And I had to explain how I was feeling. Yeah. And they're like.

31:30
It's okay, that's not the most annoying moment. So you have to prepare your apology. I'm telling you, it's a good time. Every time. I'm like, you know what? I know why it's so difficult for kids to apologize because I'm struggling. I'm struggling. Yeah. But it was it was a necessary moment. Yeah. And I think the kids appreciated it. Not just because, oh, my gosh, that apologized. But it was also they learned.

32:00
Okay, this is how you, big kids can apologize. They do, it's a very mature thing to do. And so like it's, I think it was, it was really good on all accounts. I will say we didn't play throw throw burrito for a long time. But then we did and it was.

32:18
They were looking at me. Yeah, I was trying to see, is this going to be round two, episode two? Yeah, I was calm, everything was cool. No fights. But, I think that's just a part of growth, right? There's going to be times where your emotions will get the best of you. But how do you even react to that? How do you react when you're like, dang? Yeah, I did that. I just let it happen. I feel like as adults, maybe that's the piece that we tend to go through a little bit more, is that realization of, dang it, I dropped the ball.

32:48
The one thing I was teaching my kids I did the one thing that I said I wasn't gonna do I did Yeah, that is difficult and it's difficult because you can let like the guilt of knowing that you knew better Yeah Begin to eat away at you and I think that that's something that I've had to like really learn is like we have to forgive ourselves Because sure we we do know better. Yeah, we are teaching others not to do it and yet here we were doing it and really

33:18
with the gut punch of humility, but also like apologizing to ourselves like self, I kind of let you down right there. The thing that we were working on, I didn't do and just get up and keep going and try again because like sometimes it's that revolving will of if I don't apologize, if I don't forgive myself, then I just keep doing it and now that becomes normal. And so it's like if I can kind of put the cog in the wheel and stop the cycle before it begins,

33:48
like that humility piece is what really does it. Right, no that's so real. How do you feel like being a mother and managing a home, how has that transitioned to managing a nonprofit? Yeah, wow, okay, that's good. I've never even like thought in terms of that analogy, but that is really good. I think that one, being a parent in general, whether mom or dad, there are so many lessons in that,

34:18
carry over into certain like areas of your life. And they really, really, really do. Like I don't think there's one thing I sit down at business meeting or otherwise where we don't talk about family. And I think that's beautiful because we're kind of erasing the lines of like, again, compartmentalizing things and we're bringing authenticity to areas. And in terms of like working with a nonprofit,

34:48
probably the most important thing. 100%. It is the most important thing. So I no longer try to separate like being a mom, being a wife, being biracial, being from the community. I don't try and compartmentalize or separate anything about me from the nonprofit anymore because honestly that is the thing that really attracts people toward it. I mean, it's like, hey, I went to school with you so now I feel connected. Hey, I was your neighbor so now I feel connected. And when you talk in terms of like,

35:18
donors. Donors want to feel connected. They want to know what you're doing. They want to know why you're doing it. Why do you care? So it really, being a mom, a wife, a community member, a black woman, all of the things that encompass who I am, those are the things that are really drawing people. It's not the cute little new logo that we have. It's not the mission statement. It's not all of those things in reality in the five short months that I've been here. It's really been the

35:48
piece of people wanting to get to know me and why I believe in Sixth Avenue Corridor. No, that's so real. And I think, and I can just say from just from someone from the outside looking in, like without even meeting you, you can just you can just tell. Oh I love that. Right? Yeah, but it's something about when people are being authentic with who they are. Yeah.

36:15
whether that being a mother, a father, a family person, or if you don't even have any kids, you're just about that community life. Especially these millennial Gen Z cats, we gonna see it. Yes, yes, it's not hiding. It's not hiding, we're gonna know if you really like that. And I think it's very smart to say hey.

36:40
I can't be at that community event because my kids have practice. Oh my gosh, talk about that. I think that goes a long way for the community. You know what? Yeah. Yep. That is the balance piece. I had probably a really hard time because I didn't understand or even like, it was kind of an unintentional thing. I didn't realize that 90% of the nonprofit things happen after business hours. The galas, the functions, the events.

37:09
after hours. All of them. And it got to this point where I'm like, do I show up for the organization or my kids? Yeah. Hands down it was my kids. My family is the most important thing. My children are the most important thing. I call them my first ministry. Right. So if I'm not doing the work of leading that team, I'm not going to be effective in doing the work of leading this other team and connecting back with that authenticity people. I think that people just kind of.

37:39
resonate with.

37:41
the moming that I do and the wifing, they just resonate with that piece of it and it's not even a fight like to say, oh, you can't come to my event cause your kid has football. They're like, oh yeah, girl, I get it. Just totally fine. Totally fine, we'll see you at the next one. So once I kind of got over like the fear of disappointing others in leadership, then it was like, okay, this is a lot easier than I thought. Yeah, cause them events be at prime practice hours. Yes they do. And I got one at prime, sorry.

38:11
I got one too at prime practice hours. So I get it. But yeah, I feel like people, especially in a community like this one, like people know, you know, and if it's not real, I think it would be received differently. You know what I mean? No, that's good. So as we start to close out, you know, one of the things I ask, you know, my guests, if there's one thing...

38:39
you can give to a listener or somebody watching. What's one thing they can do, in our case we're talking about, what we're talking about, what's one thing they can do to improve, whether it's they're feeling disappointed or dealing with disappointment, what would you say to them? I would say to improve your process and your journey in disappointment. I would say to really find your anchor.

39:08
Like what anchors you? What are you anchored to? What beliefs are you anchored to? What are your non-negotiables? What are your core values? Like who do you believe you are? Set that as like your primary foundation and then anything that comes against that, you have to just knock down.

39:27
If you believe that you are gifted, if you believe that you are talented, if you believe that you are worthy, if you believe that you are special, let that be your foundation. And anything that comes to oppose those beliefs, you have to just brush off. I saw this kind of analogy that was like a duck in rain, saying you have to develop the back of a duck so that the negative thoughts and comments of the rain roll off of your back. You don't absorb them.

39:57
wrestle with them, you just simply allow them to roll off of your back. And if you don't know who you are, what you stand for, what you believe about others and yourself, you can fall prey to a lot of things internally that stem from disappointment. Hmm. And we're going to drop the mic there. Yes. Hey, thank you so much for being here. I appreciate it. Everybody, like I say after every episode, I won't stop. I am not a therapist.

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There will be resources in the link to the description of the podcast and on YouTube Thank you guys so much for being here. This is coffee can't fix everything We can't do everything but we are going to have the conversation and break the stigma one coffee I'll holla at you next time.